coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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