Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize