He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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