she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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