he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
