That's intense
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this just has baby written all over it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
