yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
