also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
