hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize