Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
