420 ftw
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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