I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
