Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
