Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
