Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
