After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
