And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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