pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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