Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
