Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
