Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
