Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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