I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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