do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
