Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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