We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
