matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
