At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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