So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
