the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
