you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
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blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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