Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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