We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
