I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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