I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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