It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
