the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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