why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
