Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
