Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
