And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
