Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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