I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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