Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
