i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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