Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
