My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
