did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She said her name was "party"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
