I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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