Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
