They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
