everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
