Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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