be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
