His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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