how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
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So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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