If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
