Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
