well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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