My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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