Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
