I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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